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Pequenopie “Little Feet” August 23, 2009

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sharon2This is a recent picture of our little Sharon that we love in China. We hope and pray for her everyday, for her health and to find a family to adopt her. A family that will give her a belonging , give her love and security, give her a chance in life.  Even though it breaks my heart to see her growing up and not being able to be with her, I know that God put her in my life for a reason. Maybe for her not to be ours, but to start something in my heart and soul, to always pray for her and remember her.  We will always remember her as the catalyst, to this journey we are on.

Last time I posted, I wrote on how God kept showing me other orphans around the world. How at first my heart was only for Sharon and the other Phillip Hayden children and how eventually it changed to a child in China. But he kept changing our direction and hearts, to other countries and ethnicity’s. During this time, I had many people say why don’t you adopt from here and I just thought God was showing us another direction. Well finally, he has our heart at home, in our own backyard, there are thousands of children that are orphans.

We are starting our foster pride classes in September to become licensed foster care  parents in Michigan. We are really excited and are happy that he continues to show us his way for us. His path, his timing, his way. He has this way of closing some doors and opening others and it’s so awesome to look back and see things that are happening to make this happen in our lives, in this way.

Even the simplest things, our oldest daughter is getting married in 6 days. We knew when I came back from China and decided to adopt, we would have to wait at least a few years. So with our 3 daughters living with us, we knew we would have to move one of them in the basement or get some bunk beds. Anyway, since then Beka got engaged so we knew we would be fine with room for a new child in a few years. Well, Dustin and Beka decided to get married this year and a  while after that we started looking into foster care.  We are thinking we may have a child in our home in 6 months or so. So there it is all worked out, we have the room.

So in his timing, and in his way, he makes all doors open and close, that he needs to. How great it is to know, that I don’t have to worry or stress. He has it all worked out for us, before we even see it. There is great comfort in that. With all the things that are wrong and scary in this world, I don’t need to be afraid. All the people that are suffering, from losing their jobs, homes, sickness, death, that he knows all things. That even when you can’t see it, and you don’t understand or contemplate what God is doing, he knows and maybe wants to make it better for you. Once you are there, you look back asking what was I afraid of, I knew he was guiding my steps the whole time but I just don’t always know how to let go and trust him.

It reminds me of this poem..

Footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But i have  noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you the most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

by, Mary Stevenson

 

We ask for your continued prayers that God would continue to show us the direction to our child.

 

More to come later!

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Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 27, 2009

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I tiptoed into your room one night.
I watched you sleeping there.
Your tiny body looked so snug
Wrapped in peaceful slumber’s care.

I thought of how you came to be
The child we’d longed to know.
I wondered at the sight of you:
“How could she let you go?”

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I
Felt the pain she must have known.
For I will have to let you go
Some day when you are grown.

A mother I might never meet
Had given me her son.
Yet, surely as you’ve filled my heart,
A piece of hers you’d won.

“How could she let you go?”
The question kept returning.
And in the depths of my own heart.
A question kept on burning.

“How can I ever let you go
When years have come and gone?”
I stood there by your crib until
The nighttime turned to dawn.

And as the sun peeked through the shades,
The voice of God broke through.
“I trusted her to give him life
And now I’m trusting to you.

“To show him what is right and wrong,
to love him and to be
The one who teaches him the way
To come back home to me.

“He wasn’t hers to give, you know.
And he’s not yours to own.
I’ve placed him in your life to love
But he is mine … on loan.”

by Valerie Kay Gwin

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 17, 2009

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baby feet 9

I’ve been struck with the many changes our family has encountered within the last six months. God has done so many changes in us and growth, that I look back and am shocked to see it. At the same time, we have so much freedom. We are enjoying these days we spend with our children. With our oldest it is twinkling of the eye, since she is getting married next year.  With our middle child it is precious moments , pretty soon she will be going to college, working and spending time out of our house. With our youngest we still have some time to make up. We were so busy and consumed with our ministry work, neglecting what we had at home. Even our extended families and our quiet time. It wasn’t until our girls sat us down, that we really took a hard look at our lives and said what the heck are we doing.

Since that we have realized that above else family should come first. Our girls come first, spending time with them, talking to them, just watching a movie with them. Laughing, crying, praying, life as God wanted it. He made families to be together, to break bread together. How sometimes we can put our jobs, our ministries, our everything above our family.

To have my sister tell me I’m glad you are back, that hurts. I promise myself, my family, God and those around me that I will never let this happen again. Taking that hard look, put everything in perspective. When I came back from China this last time,I knew something wasn’t right with our lives. I saw how stressed my husband was working a full-time job and then rushing off after a quick dinner. To have the time to have a nice dinner every night is so amazing, to sit and read a book, or watch a movie, together.

Obviously when we were in the thick of things we couldn’t see it. But when I came back from China I knew that our lives would have to change, how could we adopt a baby and be out almost every night. Not going to happen and not fair to our youngest to babysit every night.

Since getting a baby kitten I remember so much of what it takes to be a new mother and father again. Constantly having patience, correcting  that child. Our girls were into everything, your eyes always had to be on them. Touching things, putting things into their mouth, and a constant stream of No’s.. 

Teaching them manners, how to swim, how to ride a bike, everything. They learn everything from us. Keeping them safe, out of the street, teaching them rules, don’t touch that, don’t open that. Right now with our teens we are teaching them still, how to be young women, who will one day be wifes and mothers themselves. It is a big job but that is the duty we are entrusted with.

So while we continue on the passage, we will continue to enjoy everyday we have with our family and friends. We will continue to wait for this child that God has implanted on our hearts. This child that is so wanted and loved, even now.

Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before,
but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God
— Ram Dass

Leave comments or scripture, would love to hear from you!

More to come later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 7, 2009

nepal-fb1 Lately I have been  having times of  doubt and really not having as much patience as I should have. I have looked at how much money we are going to need for this adoption and it feels so overwhelming. I realize that this economy is not good, people are loosing jobs and their houses right and left. I also know that Michael and I can’t do this on our own, that we need support. 

I feel so ready to get this process going, it’s been 6 long months since I got home from China. If feels like 6 years or a lifetime. When you are ready for this, it’s all you can think about. Sometimes I have such a huge amount of faith and all around me I see this is possible, that God will do this for us. But other times I have doubt and fear and questions. I know God has put this in my heart and I know it is true. I feel the same as I did 6 months ago and if anything I feel stronger about it.

 

I know it is going to be hard, difficult and life changing. Bringing any child into your world is earth shattering. I remember being a new mom of Beka and only being 22, not knowing who this child was. I knew she was ours, I loved  her already. But no one gives you a pamphlet with instructions on how to be a good mommy or daddy. You are on your own, you are blending two sets of ideas into one. I am thankful that Michael and I have always supported each other in this life and journey.

I have to remember that even though I’m not pregnant, this is our pregnacy, to prepare and enjoy this time. To trust God that he will move heaven and earth to make what he wants happen. That by ourselves nothing can happen without him. To just have faith in him, he has worked out everything so far. Why would I stop trusting him now. The Finish Line is before us and we just need to pace ourselves to reach it, in his time and way.

 

 

A child to pour our love on…We have that to give.    

 

 

Pour My Love On You                                                    

 

I don’t know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can’t begin to tell you what your love has meant
I’m lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You’re my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you    

        CHORUS:
Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on you 

 Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend 

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

CHORUS

By Phillips , Craig and Dean

 

 I am writing this blog to thank all my numerous friends and family, who encourage me and tell me to take tiny steps like my blog, that God will give us provision, that God is making us wait for the child God wants for us and all the prayers that so many are sending our way.. Thank You….

 

More to come later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” April 26, 2009

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pic221This is a little boy or girl in Nepal who is a orphan now or at one time. Our family is excited and ready to start this difficult journey on to adopting and fulfilling the things that God wants in our lives.

We are at the very begining of the process and we are inviting friends and family to partner with us on this great journey. Please stay tune for further information.

More to come later!

 

April 23, 2009

WHO WILL SAVE THE CHILDREN?



Cry for all the innocent ones
born into a world
that’s lost its heart
For those who never
learn to dream
because their hope is crushed
before they can start
And we shake our fists
at the air
and say, “If God is love,
how can this be fair?”

But we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And if it isn’t now,
tell me when?
If it isn’t you, then tell me
who will save the children?
Who will save the children?

We count our blessings one by one
yet we have forgotten how to give
It seems that we don’t want to face
all the hungry and homeless
who struggle to live
But heaven is watching tonight
tugging at our hearts
to do what’s right

And we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And if it isn’t you, then tell me
who will save the children?
Who will save the children?

As we observe them through our T.V. screens
they seem so distant and unreal
But they bleed like we bleed
And they feel what we feel
Oh, save the children
Save the children
Save the children

Now we decide that nothing can change
and throw up our hands in numb despair
And we lost a piece of our souls
by teaching ourselves just
how not to care
But Christ would have gone to the cross
just to save one child from being lost

And we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And it must be now
There’s no time to waste
It must be you
No one can take your place
Can’t you see that only we
Can save the children
Save the children
Save the children
Please, save the children

Written By Randy Stonehill
© Copyright 1984 by Stonehillian Music &
Word Music (a division of Word, Inc.)

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 21, 2009

daddy-feet2As of my last post I wrote on how I was keeping my heart and soul quietly to myself. I even remember having our de-brief with our mission board and trying to explain the changes in my life from this trip. It was so hard to explain and I even then don’t know if I showed what was in my heart and head. Maybe i did, I really am not sure. It is so hard to put things in words, things that you never even thought or felt. When God shows you his heart he sometimes has to change you and make you ready to see his wants, his hurts, his love. I just know that when God changes you, everything you thought you were and are  is gone. Changed, made new, different, transformed.

Changed-  to make different in some particular : alter, to make radically different : transform,  to give a different position, course, or direction to,  to replace with another , to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution , change , alter , vary , modify mean to make or become different.

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have now realized that this change, this thing that was wrote on my sleeve, was there, right there, for everyone to see. That I wasn’t fooling anyone, or hiding anything. It was clearly written on me. Someone on the mission board, called it being branded. I was branded with a love for our China believers and un-believers when I went to Hong Kong in 07′ and brought  bibles in. That was the beginning of a change in me. Seeing how they are persecuted just for believing in Jesus, that most of them  never have a chance to hear his name. That in the USA,  people hear the gospel over 400 times a year.

Then when I went to Beijing and worked at PHF, it was another love of the China people. A love for their orphans, a understanding of why these babies are thrown away. That a mother may not even have a choice in the matter, even if the child is wanted. China’s culture is for the grandparents, their son and family, to support each other as a family unit. Since there is a one child per family law, families wouldn’t want sick children or females, since that child would be everything to the family. If they had a female, once she is married she would go with her husband, to his family. So these women are having no choice in the matter.

After my husband sat me down one day and said you want to adopt right, we started to pray for what God’s will is. At first there were concerns on his part, with our ages, and our independence when he is at retirement age. Also our youngest is 15, so we would have changes in our lives. We can go out in the evening and not have to hire a babysitter anymore. We know our eldest is on her way to her own life, getting married next year and our two youngest are in 9th and 12th grade.

My husband came back to me about a week later with a verse that shows what God’s heart is on adoption.

James 1:27   Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress

It’s ironic that while we were at PHF, Diane and I shared a room and that was the scripture on our door. I believe God had this planned all out for us before we knew anything about it. That God planned to wreck me and change me and that our house would be a refuge for an orphan. When I realized that there are unwanted orphans all over the world, I knew that we have a home and we could love this child and give this child a family.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8, 13    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.         And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

More to come later!