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Pequenopie “Little Feet” August 23, 2009

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sharon2This is a recent picture of our little Sharon that we love in China. We hope and pray for her everyday, for her health and to find a family to adopt her. A family that will give her a belonging , give her love and security, give her a chance in life.  Even though it breaks my heart to see her growing up and not being able to be with her, I know that God put her in my life for a reason. Maybe for her not to be ours, but to start something in my heart and soul, to always pray for her and remember her.  We will always remember her as the catalyst, to this journey we are on.

Last time I posted, I wrote on how God kept showing me other orphans around the world. How at first my heart was only for Sharon and the other Phillip Hayden children and how eventually it changed to a child in China. But he kept changing our direction and hearts, to other countries and ethnicity’s. During this time, I had many people say why don’t you adopt from here and I just thought God was showing us another direction. Well finally, he has our heart at home, in our own backyard, there are thousands of children that are orphans.

We are starting our foster pride classes in September to become licensed foster care  parents in Michigan. We are really excited and are happy that he continues to show us his way for us. His path, his timing, his way. He has this way of closing some doors and opening others and it’s so awesome to look back and see things that are happening to make this happen in our lives, in this way.

Even the simplest things, our oldest daughter is getting married in 6 days. We knew when I came back from China and decided to adopt, we would have to wait at least a few years. So with our 3 daughters living with us, we knew we would have to move one of them in the basement or get some bunk beds. Anyway, since then Beka got engaged so we knew we would be fine with room for a new child in a few years. Well, Dustin and Beka decided to get married this year and a  while after that we started looking into foster care.  We are thinking we may have a child in our home in 6 months or so. So there it is all worked out, we have the room.

So in his timing, and in his way, he makes all doors open and close, that he needs to. How great it is to know, that I don’t have to worry or stress. He has it all worked out for us, before we even see it. There is great comfort in that. With all the things that are wrong and scary in this world, I don’t need to be afraid. All the people that are suffering, from losing their jobs, homes, sickness, death, that he knows all things. That even when you can’t see it, and you don’t understand or contemplate what God is doing, he knows and maybe wants to make it better for you. Once you are there, you look back asking what was I afraid of, I knew he was guiding my steps the whole time but I just don’t always know how to let go and trust him.

It reminds me of this poem..

Footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But i have  noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you the most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

by, Mary Stevenson

 

We ask for your continued prayers that God would continue to show us the direction to our child.

 

More to come later!

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Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 27, 2009

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I tiptoed into your room one night.
I watched you sleeping there.
Your tiny body looked so snug
Wrapped in peaceful slumber’s care.

I thought of how you came to be
The child we’d longed to know.
I wondered at the sight of you:
“How could she let you go?”

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I
Felt the pain she must have known.
For I will have to let you go
Some day when you are grown.

A mother I might never meet
Had given me her son.
Yet, surely as you’ve filled my heart,
A piece of hers you’d won.

“How could she let you go?”
The question kept returning.
And in the depths of my own heart.
A question kept on burning.

“How can I ever let you go
When years have come and gone?”
I stood there by your crib until
The nighttime turned to dawn.

And as the sun peeked through the shades,
The voice of God broke through.
“I trusted her to give him life
And now I’m trusting to you.

“To show him what is right and wrong,
to love him and to be
The one who teaches him the way
To come back home to me.

“He wasn’t hers to give, you know.
And he’s not yours to own.
I’ve placed him in your life to love
But he is mine … on loan.”

by Valerie Kay Gwin

 

April 23, 2009

WHO WILL SAVE THE CHILDREN?



Cry for all the innocent ones
born into a world
that’s lost its heart
For those who never
learn to dream
because their hope is crushed
before they can start
And we shake our fists
at the air
and say, “If God is love,
how can this be fair?”

But we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And if it isn’t now,
tell me when?
If it isn’t you, then tell me
who will save the children?
Who will save the children?

We count our blessings one by one
yet we have forgotten how to give
It seems that we don’t want to face
all the hungry and homeless
who struggle to live
But heaven is watching tonight
tugging at our hearts
to do what’s right

And we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And if it isn’t you, then tell me
who will save the children?
Who will save the children?

As we observe them through our T.V. screens
they seem so distant and unreal
But they bleed like we bleed
And they feel what we feel
Oh, save the children
Save the children
Save the children

Now we decide that nothing can change
and throw up our hands in numb despair
And we lost a piece of our souls
by teaching ourselves just
how not to care
But Christ would have gone to the cross
just to save one child from being lost

And we are His hands
We are His voice
We are the ones who must
make the choice
And it must be now
There’s no time to waste
It must be you
No one can take your place
Can’t you see that only we
Can save the children
Save the children
Save the children
Please, save the children

Written By Randy Stonehill
© Copyright 1984 by Stonehillian Music &
Word Music (a division of Word, Inc.)

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 21, 2009

daddy-feet2As of my last post I wrote on how I was keeping my heart and soul quietly to myself. I even remember having our de-brief with our mission board and trying to explain the changes in my life from this trip. It was so hard to explain and I even then don’t know if I showed what was in my heart and head. Maybe i did, I really am not sure. It is so hard to put things in words, things that you never even thought or felt. When God shows you his heart he sometimes has to change you and make you ready to see his wants, his hurts, his love. I just know that when God changes you, everything you thought you were and are  is gone. Changed, made new, different, transformed.

Changed-  to make different in some particular : alter, to make radically different : transform,  to give a different position, course, or direction to,  to replace with another , to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution , change , alter , vary , modify mean to make or become different.

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have now realized that this change, this thing that was wrote on my sleeve, was there, right there, for everyone to see. That I wasn’t fooling anyone, or hiding anything. It was clearly written on me. Someone on the mission board, called it being branded. I was branded with a love for our China believers and un-believers when I went to Hong Kong in 07′ and brought  bibles in. That was the beginning of a change in me. Seeing how they are persecuted just for believing in Jesus, that most of them  never have a chance to hear his name. That in the USA,  people hear the gospel over 400 times a year.

Then when I went to Beijing and worked at PHF, it was another love of the China people. A love for their orphans, a understanding of why these babies are thrown away. That a mother may not even have a choice in the matter, even if the child is wanted. China’s culture is for the grandparents, their son and family, to support each other as a family unit. Since there is a one child per family law, families wouldn’t want sick children or females, since that child would be everything to the family. If they had a female, once she is married she would go with her husband, to his family. So these women are having no choice in the matter.

After my husband sat me down one day and said you want to adopt right, we started to pray for what God’s will is. At first there were concerns on his part, with our ages, and our independence when he is at retirement age. Also our youngest is 15, so we would have changes in our lives. We can go out in the evening and not have to hire a babysitter anymore. We know our eldest is on her way to her own life, getting married next year and our two youngest are in 9th and 12th grade.

My husband came back to me about a week later with a verse that shows what God’s heart is on adoption.

James 1:27   Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress

It’s ironic that while we were at PHF, Diane and I shared a room and that was the scripture on our door. I believe God had this planned all out for us before we knew anything about it. That God planned to wreck me and change me and that our house would be a refuge for an orphan. When I realized that there are unwanted orphans all over the world, I knew that we have a home and we could love this child and give this child a family.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8, 13    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.         And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

More to come later!

 

 

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 15, 2009

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baby-121At the end of my trip in China, at Phillip Hayden Foundation, I ended up getting a very bad cold. Because many of the children and Sharon were in a hospital and many of the children were very sick, I was told I couldn’t be at the hospital. It is funny what God does to protect us, I was already concerned about leaving these children and not wanting to be heart-broken and prayed for God to protect my heart.

Philipipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well the fact that I got sick did protect my heart, I never was able to hold Sharon and say goodbye and I knew she was there and God has her in his hands. I was there for a few days and was able to still play, hold and minister to those children who were more healthy. God showed me all ages of orphans, not just babies, but 4, 5, 6, 13, 14, and 18 year olds.

When I got off that plane I was ready to be home, ready to be with my kids and husband, ready to share my experience and love for these  kids. I was still figuring out what God wanted me to do, or as a family to do. We could support a child financially, or support PHF financially, pray, or adopt. What was God trying to show me. I finally was back home and I shared my love for these children to those all around me, but didn’t share my heart, for adoption.  I had friends from the trip telling my husband that I would have taken Sharon home if they would’ve let me and I did say yes I would have.

But I thought I had hidden my heart and soul, how could I explain how I felt if I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to put it in words, if God wanted this for us, how would Michael feel about this. I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse if  someone came home from Africa and said God is calling us there, without the other person  feeling the same call.

I did go through a hard time coming home, I was changed and still am. How can you not hold those babies and be changed. God is amazing and powerful, he is enough, to change my stubborn, afraid to change mindset. We were de-briefed when we came home and had a chance to share to the mission board, the things that we experienced and how God changed our views, even about the people and things we had thought about the culture.

I had people around me saying what’s wrong with you, are you ok. That was fine for a while but very annoying after a while. It’s a shame that people all over the world are praying for God to change them and when he does people think you are depressed or just don’t know what to do with you.

Matthew 18:3   And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven

Other people that have been on mission trips understand this change and don’t get me wrong, I was telling people that I am all right but haven’t figured out everything that God is doing in me. Sometimes when God changes us, it is a gradual thing, it may be a revealing of his heart in a situation, little by little and step by step. But  if he wants a true change, it won’t just be a passing thing, it will be hard. It will be hard to explain, it may change friendships, life, your family, your desires, your comfort, everything. Everything that you put importance to or thought you were.

I just want to be one who is obedient to what God is calling us to.

John 14:15  If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you  to will and to act according to his good purpose.

More to come later!

Leave comments or scriptures on this blog…

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 25, 2009

img_0204-21 

So this is Sharon that I am holding at Phillip Hayden Foundation, she is 9 months old and so sweet.

I started noticing  my thoughts being about her during the day. There were many days that we were so busy touring and also doing projects for the directors of PHF, that we didn’t get to see the kids. I think we all felt this, we wanted to spend as much time with these kids as possible. We were starting to get used to the kids and nannies, and learning how to approach them. The kids and nannies were getting used to us being around also.

At first when we visited the rooms filled with the kids, there were always nannies with us. But very soon, we noticed they would all be gone, they were getting ready to feed the kids or put them down. We were trusted with their children, they could see the love we had for these kids, in the way we played, held and ministered to them.

I still felt the nannies eyes on us. I also, was very careful to always ask if I could pick up Sharon or one of the other kids. To show my respect and knowing that they were their mommies, that I would be leaving in a few weeks and maybe wouldn’t be there again.

Looking back at my journal when I was there, I was already feeling a change in my thoughts on adoption. I have three daughters, 21, 18 and almost 15. For many years now, I have felt no calling to have another child. I held our last, like she was our last. I have worked in the nursery at church and loved it but never felt like I was supposed to have another child. My sister also adopted a boy around 9 years ago and once again, felt like wow I’m so glad our girls are older. All this time being around little ones, I felt complete, I felt like our family was complete, and was happy to hand back a child to it’s mother.

But God has another plan for our family, it started to take root in China. Also knowing and wondering how can I tell my husband this. What will he think, I was already praying for God’s wisdom and asking him to speak to Michael and open and change his heart like he had been doing to me. I was past the financial, age, time  and all those issues when you consider having a child. I knew God was birthing something new in my heart.

Phillippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Stay tuned, more to come later!

I welcome your comments on my blog.. so comment away..

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 10, 2009

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baby-4       God can change our heart in one instant.. Instantly! 

 A close friend just encouraged me, that all the process we have to go thru to adopt, is making it possible for God to put the right child in our lives. That he is perfecting the whole thing. That maybe that child isn’t even born yet. The Lord is doing this in his timing. How awesome that we can be comforted  by our Holy God, in all the things we do in our lives.

 

There is a little girl named Mei Mei, at Phillip Hayden. She was around 5 years old, I would guess. She was a beautiful little girl, with these big doe  eyes. She has an inoperable heart condition. We prayed, held, and feel in love with this angelic baby girl. She doesn’t have a chance to have a family, to be adopted.. But she does have a nanny that is like a mother to love her, hold her and keep her. She is surrounded with many people that love her. She will pass away one day and go home to our God, who will hold her forever in his hands.

This past week a little baby girl, died. I’m not sure how old she was and I never held her in my arms. Her name was Patti and she had a ailment that she died from. I ask for prayer for the nannies, doctors, and the missionaries that fell in love with this precious child and are feeling her loss.

 

Precious one,
So small,
So sweet

Dancing in
on angel feet
Straight from Heaven’s
brightest star

What a miracle
you are!

More to come later!