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Pequenopie “Little Feet” August 23, 2009

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sharon2This is a recent picture of our little Sharon that we love in China. We hope and pray for her everyday, for her health and to find a family to adopt her. A family that will give her a belonging , give her love and security, give her a chance in life.  Even though it breaks my heart to see her growing up and not being able to be with her, I know that God put her in my life for a reason. Maybe for her not to be ours, but to start something in my heart and soul, to always pray for her and remember her.  We will always remember her as the catalyst, to this journey we are on.

Last time I posted, I wrote on how God kept showing me other orphans around the world. How at first my heart was only for Sharon and the other Phillip Hayden children and how eventually it changed to a child in China. But he kept changing our direction and hearts, to other countries and ethnicity’s. During this time, I had many people say why don’t you adopt from here and I just thought God was showing us another direction. Well finally, he has our heart at home, in our own backyard, there are thousands of children that are orphans.

We are starting our foster pride classes in September to become licensed foster care  parents in Michigan. We are really excited and are happy that he continues to show us his way for us. His path, his timing, his way. He has this way of closing some doors and opening others and it’s so awesome to look back and see things that are happening to make this happen in our lives, in this way.

Even the simplest things, our oldest daughter is getting married in 6 days. We knew when I came back from China and decided to adopt, we would have to wait at least a few years. So with our 3 daughters living with us, we knew we would have to move one of them in the basement or get some bunk beds. Anyway, since then Beka got engaged so we knew we would be fine with room for a new child in a few years. Well, Dustin and Beka decided to get married this year and a  while after that we started looking into foster care.  We are thinking we may have a child in our home in 6 months or so. So there it is all worked out, we have the room.

So in his timing, and in his way, he makes all doors open and close, that he needs to. How great it is to know, that I don’t have to worry or stress. He has it all worked out for us, before we even see it. There is great comfort in that. With all the things that are wrong and scary in this world, I don’t need to be afraid. All the people that are suffering, from losing their jobs, homes, sickness, death, that he knows all things. That even when you can’t see it, and you don’t understand or contemplate what God is doing, he knows and maybe wants to make it better for you. Once you are there, you look back asking what was I afraid of, I knew he was guiding my steps the whole time but I just don’t always know how to let go and trust him.

It reminds me of this poem..

Footprints in the sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But i have  noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you the most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

by, Mary Stevenson

 

We ask for your continued prayers that God would continue to show us the direction to our child.

 

More to come later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” July 19, 2009

baby feet 12

I had a talk with my sister about some of the frustrations that I am encountering. With the wait and needing to come up with so much money for the cost and fees of adoption. I am also having a hard time with seeing those around me that are in the process of adoption, getting their children or almost. Even though some of them have waited years and years, and may have no other children. I can see how those women who are going through infertility, see babies everywhere. How so many every day things are directed towards children and family. Commercials, movies, shows, babies everywhere at stores and walking down the street. There is no where to hide from these feelings.

In this discussion and thinking how I feel about things, she talked about a monopoly game. Sitting in jail watching others keep on playing and you are just stuck. I thought of uno and getting the skipped and reversed card. You are ready but you have no control, you keep watching and waiting for your turn. Debbie mentioned it’s sorta like one step forward, two steps back. This happens in so much of life but I think it is a accurate explanation of how I feel.

I have been looking into selling things on our blog to help support us. I was so excited earlier this week, that I was approved to sell handmade bracelets that were made from the people in Philippines. I also put a donate button on this blog to allow people to help us, to partner with this journey. But then it can look so insurmountable and too hard to achieve.

I will continue to try and have faith. That God put this desire in our hearts and soul. I might not know or see how this is all going to work out, but it sure will be amazing.

Thanks for everyones support and prayers. I will put the bracelets on soon, so everyone can see them.

More to come Later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 7, 2009

nepal-fb1 Lately I have been  having times of  doubt and really not having as much patience as I should have. I have looked at how much money we are going to need for this adoption and it feels so overwhelming. I realize that this economy is not good, people are loosing jobs and their houses right and left. I also know that Michael and I can’t do this on our own, that we need support. 

I feel so ready to get this process going, it’s been 6 long months since I got home from China. If feels like 6 years or a lifetime. When you are ready for this, it’s all you can think about. Sometimes I have such a huge amount of faith and all around me I see this is possible, that God will do this for us. But other times I have doubt and fear and questions. I know God has put this in my heart and I know it is true. I feel the same as I did 6 months ago and if anything I feel stronger about it.

 

I know it is going to be hard, difficult and life changing. Bringing any child into your world is earth shattering. I remember being a new mom of Beka and only being 22, not knowing who this child was. I knew she was ours, I loved  her already. But no one gives you a pamphlet with instructions on how to be a good mommy or daddy. You are on your own, you are blending two sets of ideas into one. I am thankful that Michael and I have always supported each other in this life and journey.

I have to remember that even though I’m not pregnant, this is our pregnacy, to prepare and enjoy this time. To trust God that he will move heaven and earth to make what he wants happen. That by ourselves nothing can happen without him. To just have faith in him, he has worked out everything so far. Why would I stop trusting him now. The Finish Line is before us and we just need to pace ourselves to reach it, in his time and way.

 

 

A child to pour our love on…We have that to give.    

 

 

Pour My Love On You                                                    

 

I don’t know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can’t begin to tell you what your love has meant
I’m lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You’re my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you    

        CHORUS:
Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on you 

 Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend 

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

CHORUS

By Phillips , Craig and Dean

 

 I am writing this blog to thank all my numerous friends and family, who encourage me and tell me to take tiny steps like my blog, that God will give us provision, that God is making us wait for the child God wants for us and all the prayers that so many are sending our way.. Thank You….

 

More to come later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” April 26, 2009

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pic221This is a little boy or girl in Nepal who is a orphan now or at one time. Our family is excited and ready to start this difficult journey on to adopting and fulfilling the things that God wants in our lives.

We are at the very begining of the process and we are inviting friends and family to partner with us on this great journey. Please stay tune for further information.

More to come later!

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 21, 2009

daddy-feet2As of my last post I wrote on how I was keeping my heart and soul quietly to myself. I even remember having our de-brief with our mission board and trying to explain the changes in my life from this trip. It was so hard to explain and I even then don’t know if I showed what was in my heart and head. Maybe i did, I really am not sure. It is so hard to put things in words, things that you never even thought or felt. When God shows you his heart he sometimes has to change you and make you ready to see his wants, his hurts, his love. I just know that when God changes you, everything you thought you were and are  is gone. Changed, made new, different, transformed.

Changed-  to make different in some particular : alter, to make radically different : transform,  to give a different position, course, or direction to,  to replace with another , to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution , change , alter , vary , modify mean to make or become different.

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have now realized that this change, this thing that was wrote on my sleeve, was there, right there, for everyone to see. That I wasn’t fooling anyone, or hiding anything. It was clearly written on me. Someone on the mission board, called it being branded. I was branded with a love for our China believers and un-believers when I went to Hong Kong in 07′ and brought  bibles in. That was the beginning of a change in me. Seeing how they are persecuted just for believing in Jesus, that most of them  never have a chance to hear his name. That in the USA,  people hear the gospel over 400 times a year.

Then when I went to Beijing and worked at PHF, it was another love of the China people. A love for their orphans, a understanding of why these babies are thrown away. That a mother may not even have a choice in the matter, even if the child is wanted. China’s culture is for the grandparents, their son and family, to support each other as a family unit. Since there is a one child per family law, families wouldn’t want sick children or females, since that child would be everything to the family. If they had a female, once she is married she would go with her husband, to his family. So these women are having no choice in the matter.

After my husband sat me down one day and said you want to adopt right, we started to pray for what God’s will is. At first there were concerns on his part, with our ages, and our independence when he is at retirement age. Also our youngest is 15, so we would have changes in our lives. We can go out in the evening and not have to hire a babysitter anymore. We know our eldest is on her way to her own life, getting married next year and our two youngest are in 9th and 12th grade.

My husband came back to me about a week later with a verse that shows what God’s heart is on adoption.

James 1:27   Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress

It’s ironic that while we were at PHF, Diane and I shared a room and that was the scripture on our door. I believe God had this planned all out for us before we knew anything about it. That God planned to wreck me and change me and that our house would be a refuge for an orphan. When I realized that there are unwanted orphans all over the world, I knew that we have a home and we could love this child and give this child a family.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8, 13    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.         And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

More to come later!

 

 

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 15, 2009

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baby-121At the end of my trip in China, at Phillip Hayden Foundation, I ended up getting a very bad cold. Because many of the children and Sharon were in a hospital and many of the children were very sick, I was told I couldn’t be at the hospital. It is funny what God does to protect us, I was already concerned about leaving these children and not wanting to be heart-broken and prayed for God to protect my heart.

Philipipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well the fact that I got sick did protect my heart, I never was able to hold Sharon and say goodbye and I knew she was there and God has her in his hands. I was there for a few days and was able to still play, hold and minister to those children who were more healthy. God showed me all ages of orphans, not just babies, but 4, 5, 6, 13, 14, and 18 year olds.

When I got off that plane I was ready to be home, ready to be with my kids and husband, ready to share my experience and love for these  kids. I was still figuring out what God wanted me to do, or as a family to do. We could support a child financially, or support PHF financially, pray, or adopt. What was God trying to show me. I finally was back home and I shared my love for these children to those all around me, but didn’t share my heart, for adoption.  I had friends from the trip telling my husband that I would have taken Sharon home if they would’ve let me and I did say yes I would have.

But I thought I had hidden my heart and soul, how could I explain how I felt if I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to put it in words, if God wanted this for us, how would Michael feel about this. I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse if  someone came home from Africa and said God is calling us there, without the other person  feeling the same call.

I did go through a hard time coming home, I was changed and still am. How can you not hold those babies and be changed. God is amazing and powerful, he is enough, to change my stubborn, afraid to change mindset. We were de-briefed when we came home and had a chance to share to the mission board, the things that we experienced and how God changed our views, even about the people and things we had thought about the culture.

I had people around me saying what’s wrong with you, are you ok. That was fine for a while but very annoying after a while. It’s a shame that people all over the world are praying for God to change them and when he does people think you are depressed or just don’t know what to do with you.

Matthew 18:3   And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven

Other people that have been on mission trips understand this change and don’t get me wrong, I was telling people that I am all right but haven’t figured out everything that God is doing in me. Sometimes when God changes us, it is a gradual thing, it may be a revealing of his heart in a situation, little by little and step by step. But  if he wants a true change, it won’t just be a passing thing, it will be hard. It will be hard to explain, it may change friendships, life, your family, your desires, your comfort, everything. Everything that you put importance to or thought you were.

I just want to be one who is obedient to what God is calling us to.

John 14:15  If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you  to will and to act according to his good purpose.

More to come later!

Leave comments or scriptures on this blog…

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 5, 2009

img_0217This is Diana holding little Tristan at Phillip Hayden Foundation. He is one of the little babies there, that have cleft lip. He was such a happy baby, who jumped like crazy in his little jumper seat and always smiled his big silly grin.

Just a baby who wants and needs love. These kids had our hearts wrapped around their little fingers. We wanted to hold and be with them as much as we could every day.

 We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God’s very own hands.
— Kristi Larson

God can change our hearts instantly, radically different, to show us his heart and to direct our lives. I know without a doubt, that he is the one orchestrating all this change in me and my heart. I also know that it was very evident that he was doing things to me, changing me. Never would I say that I would want another child, I thought that our family was complete. That to have children in our home again, they would be our grandchildren.

Well, never say never. When God wants you to step out, he will do the work, he will be the one in charge. My husband and I have prayer to be changed, well God answers prayers. It was hard coming back home, even though after two weeks, I was missing my family very much.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.  Ephesians 1:4,5

 

More to come later!