Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 15, 2010
We celebrated Abby’s first Valentines day. This evening she once again went back to Tiffany. We are trying to be patient and just go through these motions. It is really very hard, partly because we have this little joyful girl in our lives every week, for several days and she seems such a part of our lives. It is getting harder and harder to give her back to Tiffany too. As a mom we are used to all those things we do for our babies. All the decisions we make, just simple things like who their doctor will be and when they will start to eat solids.
I am thankful that Tiffany does let me have input and she does care what I think. But I am ready to make all those decisions. I want to be there, holding her spoon to her mouth the first time she eats cereal. I can’t wait to see her face and her reactions to these firsts. I also know that people that adopt, don’t always get to see all of these firsts. Many babies are not adopted to their families when they are infants, they could be a toddler or even older.
I am used to Abby’s schedule now and I just know when she needs to lay down, eat or play. We are bonding, like mother and daughter are supposed to. We are all bonding with her, which makes it that much harder when she’s not here with us. She’s not in her crib in her room, or in her bassinet. Her cries are not heard and she won’t wake me up tomorrow morning with cries or coos.
I know in my mind that we will share many firsts but my heart hurts when I think of missing anything. Maybe I’m just being selfish but this is how I feel. I just pray and hope, that very soon the agency will call us and say your license is in. Then we can have Abby fulltime, every day. I won’t wake up in the middle of the night, and remember she’s not here. I won’t be wondering if she remembers us, or wonder what she thinks. I will have her every day in our midst. I can’t wait till that moment.
John 13:34-35 A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
More to come later!
Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 7, 2010
I just had to share with everyone, how our sweet little Abby is so cute. This week when we picked her up from Tiffany, we found her hair different. The most precious little ponytails on our little pumpkin. My husband always tells our teenagers to get their bangs out of their face, so he can see them better, so it was so sweet when he said oh I love seeing her face better.
This week has been an emotional one for me also. We found out from the agency that they made a mistake on our paperwork, so it has to be sent back. Another delay and we were hoping so much that we would get little Abby in our home full-time before she needed to go back to Tiffany. I think the closer it gets that harder it is for all of us.
Also someone at the agency was negative about our chances of getting our Abby and at the same time he is excited to be working with us as a foster care family. That’s a little weird, plus this guy really has no decisions in where she goes. Also this worker has shown to be this way when Tiffany was trying to get Abby’s sister, Gabby. The case worker for Abby knows about our desire and love for Abby and is fine with us getting her when we get our license. Plus the adoption placement lady also knows about us and is also fine with us.
For some reason I got really fearful and worried, for my family and the what ifs. My faith and trust were faraway from me at the moment. Some trusted friends and family, pulled me back to reality. To just trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding and to continue to love our little Abby to the fullest. To have peace and trust in his ways, in his path for us. He has been there with us this whole time, directing our way. It is so awesome to hear Tiffany say the same thing, that this is a total God thing.
One friend that has been through many of these adoptive emotions, reminded me to sing over Abby, for God’s love for her. Oh that made me cry even more, to remind me of all the love our maker has for each one of us. Sometimes it’s another person that reminds us, remember this is your path, hold on to it. Do not be afraid, do not be knocked off it. And when I do feel these ways to lay it all down at his feet. He can handle it much better and easier than I can anyway.
All of us at times go through doubts and fears, whether it is joblessness, losing your home, having marital problems, or worrying about your family. Whatever we are dealing with, sometimes there is nothing we can do. Nothing to change our circumstances but we do have a choice in how we look at it and deal with it.
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
More to come later!
Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 3, 2010
My name is ALLYSE TIDYMAN
and I’m 14 years old and this is the poem I wrote.
You’re life has barely begun.
You’re song hasn’t even been sung.
I still can’t believe that I’ve got you.
But I’m slowly realising that it’s true.
In all my wildest dreams I’ve never seen such a pretty vision as you.
But baby I’ve found you and you’ve found me too.
Little angel you’re picture perfect in every way.
I can’t think of all the things I need to say.
But for now I will only say that I LOVE YOU
And hopefully one day you will say that
I LOVE YOU TOO
Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 1, 2010
We have some friends who recently got married and it was so sweet to hear how her children have made their step dad, their father. I’m sure it has been an adjustment for them all and I am reminded of how my sister Debbie’s son is with Debbies husband. Matthew is only 10 and his step dad is just like his real dad, his attachment is just as strong and close.
I have pondered my feelings of our little Abby and realizing it is the same. Even though I did not give birth to this little angel, she is ours, just like she were from us. She feels like my daughter and child, exactly the same as when we had our girls. My attachment to her is just as real and strong.
I remember when we first decided to adopt from China and we found out it wasn’t going to work, with how many years it would take. Since I had fell in love with a little China baby, Sharon, all I could see was that. A China baby. Then we started looking into other countries, and some of them had children that would look like Sharon. But when we started to look at other countries, I was concerned, can I love a baby from another country, that doesn’t look like Sharon. Yes, I can..
It has now been almost two weeks since our paperwork went into the state. We are hopeful to get a call very soon that we have our license and then she will be in our home full-time. I am so ready to be her mom in every sense of the word.
Her love is like an island
In life’s ocean, vast and wide
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the wind, the rain, the tide.
‘Tis bound on the north by Hope,
By Patience on the West,
By tender Counsel on the South
And on the East by Rest.
Above it like a beacon light
Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer;
And thro’ the changing scenes of life
I find a haven there.
– Author Unknown