Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 25, 2009
Today we received a call from the agency, our 1st home visit is scheduled for Dec 1st and our second one will be about a week later. They want to get our paperwork into Lansing by Christmas and then it takes about 8 weeks later, to receive our foster care license.
><We are so excited and ready to get some of this stuff happening, to get things moving. We are now officially Tiffany’s substitute care giver to the baby, she is foster caring in her home. This is the baby that Tiffany hopes we can adopt.
><We received the baby in our house a few days ago and will have her till Saturday. It has been wonderful and amazing all at the same time. It has reminded us of so much when our girls were babies. First smiles and so much joy. I remember the girls 1st birthdays, eating their cake, smashing it in their mouths and Michael being all worried that they would choke. The baby has beautiful dark curly hair and the hugest eyes I’ve ever seen.
Our hearts belong to her already, in just a few days. We look at her and wonder how can anyone walk away from this little one. My heart breaks just thinking of it. Ten tiny fingers and toes, perfectly made, each one of us unique and beautiful. I feel such peace about how this is all working out, a peace beyond all understanding.
Our house is once again a baby house, we have a bassinet in the living room, and a swing also. We have a baby crying, and a baby sleeping, a woman who wants to be her mommy and is already feeling that role. A man who can’t wait to be her daddy and comes home for lunch just to kiss her. We have three girls who think she is so cute and can’t wait to be her big sister. The baby was crying and fussing tonight and Michael asked if I pinched her, it was so cute because Lizzy our youngest, thought I really did.
I can’t wait till she is ours, I believe God is making a way for this to happen. My brother a few years ago got very sick and because of this we met Tiffany and since then we have been friends. God has a way of stringing things together and sometimes we can’t even see it, but sometimes it’s so clear. He makes a path for us and sometimes we just need to trust in him, even when we can’t see where it will end.
Please continue to pray along with us, for this baby, for all the children that are orphans. We will trust in him and his perfect timing.
Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
More to come later!
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 18, 2009
You little one are daddy’s pride,
The joy you bring I cannot hide.
Ten little fingers and ten little toes,
Your beautiful eyes and button nose.
How could I… even dream
What having you would really mean.
I do wish I would’ve known,
That you are really a gift on loan.
Tho’, I could not have prepared.
For the gift of love, that God has shared.
I will always do my best,
God believes, I’ll pass this test
And I will know I have succeeded
When you’re a parent, and there when needed.
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 15, 2009
About a year ago, Michael and I were both praying and thinking about adoption. I was already sure and knew that this was in my heart and felt so right for us. It was so hard to wait and see, how Michael would really feel, I remember just knowing. Just knowing that things had changed, that I had changed. It was so difficult to come home and transition back into who I was, when I didn’t even know who I used to be. I don’t even know if this makes sense to anyone, who has not been radically changed.
We had some people around us asking Michael, is Vicki ok and thinking I was depressed. My whole perspective had changed, how could I act like everything was status quo. It wasn’t the same, I wasn’t the same, I thank God for that. How could I be the same after seeing those babies, those orphans, just given away. To hold them and love them and feel like I did when I held my babies. Each of them a precious gift from God, each of them unique and beautiful.
No I am not the same, I left as a wife and mother, who wanted to be productive and help out where I could, on this mission trip. I was a mom, who was happy that her girls were growing up and no longer had babies any longer. Any thought of a baby being around would be our grandchildren, I was like most women that are enjoying that time in their life, that maybe my hubby and I could maybe go away for the night. Also that my oldest Beka would be getting married in the next few years and Aubrey our middle daughter, was graduating this year. Life was good!
But something did change in me, something that still amazes me today. That grows stronger and stronger each and every day. This is not a phase, this is not depression, this is a choice, a miracle. We are choosing to change a young child’s life. To open our hearts, home, life to a child that has no family and making her our child.
This week we were expecting a call from the agency, to schedule or first home visit. It is so frustrating to be told they will be calling and you have been waiting and waiting. Checking the phone and answer machine whenever I leave the house, getting more and more frustrated. Another delay and not understanding why. I thank God that we have so much support from our friends and family, financial, emotional and just listening and encouraging us. One friend told me this is God stretching me to be a better mom, a better wife, a better disciple, a better woman. That this whole process from beginning, during and after, will be a stretching. Also that if he asks us to take a step, then trust he has a plan for it.
That is so awesome, that God does have a plan for each one of us. That we can trust him even in the difficult, and scary times, that he is beside us. That I can just rely on him, walk one step at a time, one moment at a time, day by day. No matter what we have in front of us, he has a plan. Whether we are struggling with our teens, with joblessness, our marriage, our finances or adoption, he knows each of our wants, needs and desires. He wants the best for us, and sometimes we think our best, is the best. Sometimes he does stuff to us, stretches and changes us. At the time we might not know what is going on, i think that was part of how I felt when I came home from China, that he was stretching me, my heart and soul. My believes in life, my ideals of what life was supposed to be, all of it.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.
Tiffany, the foster care mom and friend of the family, who is fostering a baby in the area, called this week. She told me that as soon as we have our first visit, and the agency starts putting in our paperwork to the state, we can start having visitations with this baby. I am excited and ready to meet this little bundle of joy. So whatever happens with her Lord, or with us, I trust in you.
The crib is up!
More to come later! Would love to have you put your comments, scriptures or thoughts on this blog…
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 11, 2009
A MOTHER’S LOVE
A Mother’s love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God’s tender guiding hand.
~Helen Steiner Rice~
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 8, 2009
This week I called the agency to find out what our next step is and to find out how things are going. We hadn’t heard from the agency,except I have called them on and off, asking questions on what kind of furnace inspection do we have to have and things like that. But no one had called us to let us know when the first home visit would happen or what time frame. So this call was to see what is going on and to get a time frame in my mind.
Anyway, the guy who places the children told me he was just going to be calling me. He asked me to send to him our proof of getting our fingerprinting done and then we could expect a call from the agency in a week or two to schedule the first home visit. So here we go, of course I am nervous and excited all at the same time. My feelings are all over the place, I feel like a mom that is expecting that can’t wait to go in labor and get that child out of her tummy and to come into the world.
I also found out that since we have all our police record checks done, physicals, furnace inspection and all the other things we had to accomplish, we will have our license in less than 90 days and that it will go quicker. I am still working on being patient in this, even though it is very difficult. I feel so many feelings of excitement and anticipation. I can’t wait to hold this little girl and look into her face and see what God has been wanting in our life.
I remember so many precious memories of my girls when they were little. Beka sitting in Michael’s dads van and calling it a school bus, playing with ants, and just being such a sweet child. Her favorite toy was bucky and she would ask us if we wanted coffee. She grew up so fast, right before our eyes. Also Aubrey was such a little stinker, she really had her own mind and still does. She was the one who for about 2 to 4 minutes got separated from us at a family reunion and daddy found her standing next to the elevator with a nice older lady. She has a whole story of all this stuff she did without us. Now I see this young woman before me and I am just so amazed. Lizzy is our youngest and she definitely is a character, I guess being the youngest they have to be the center of attention for anyone to hear them. Michael is the youngest and it looks like sometimes they end up being the most spoiled. Anyway, Lizzy was the one at 5 who constantly changed her clothes, from one outfit to the next. She drove me crazy with all her clothes ending up all over the floor.
Each of them are unique and priceless, each of them are so loved. When I think of those days I think of baby powder smell, and bubble baths, of laughter, joy, kisses and hugs, never enough. Such fond memories of Bambi, Thumper and Tinkerbell. I am so excited and can’t wait to have a baby in our house again. When I talk to friends of ours who talk about their grandchildren, I think this is the way it’s supposed to be. So I just ask everyone to continue to pray for God’s timing.
More to come later!
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 4, 2009
I Am From
I am from swing sets,
From muddy shoes and the soap that cleaned them.
I am from the tornado sirens and the grass as we ran to the neighbor’s house
Wet and cold
It looked like it had rained.
I am from the smells during Christmas time
The cookies and food
That we ate with all our family at my aunt’s house.
It was tradition.
I am from the dead butterfly in the pizza box that my sister and I buried in the back yard
From that one store on the corner that we walked to all the time.
I’m from the games we would play with all the kids on our street.
We would yell, “you’re it” and run.
I am from the bubbles when my sisters and I would clean the kitchen floor.
We would be covered in water and soap.
I’m from the bunk bed in my room.
I am from the boxes all over the house when we moved out.
I am from the candy my dad bought my sister’s and I when we drove to our new house.
It was sour and green.
I’m from the elementary school bathroom that everyone said was haunted
When it was really just the air conditioning and a few rumors.
Written by Lizzy Tacoma
Pequenopie “Little Feet” November 1, 2009
Last night it was so fun passing out candy to all the kids in the neighborhood. Our girls are so creative figuring out what they are going to dress up as. Aubrey was a hippie and Lizzy was an 80’s girl. Lizzy asked me how did you wear your hair and did you wear leg warmers?
It makes me think of all the times I went out as a child, trick or treating with friends and family. Dressing up and trying to figure out what to be, my sister Debbie was always so creative. One of my favorite pictures of my brother and I are in our Halloween costume that she made for us. I think we even won first prize in a contest, but I also remember being a teenager and getting help from her with my costumes and looking through our closets for ideas.
I also remember many rainy and cold nights, taking our kids out for Halloween. especially when they were little having to help them climb up the steps to the front door and holding some of their costumes, cause their mask or something was bugging them. Also going up to their school for their Halloween party and parade. I realized by next Halloween we may have a little one in our house again, going out trick or treating and enjoying all that goes into this special night.
This week has been hard for me, thinking about this new baby that is not really very far away. Thinking of this child again and again and working myself up. My friends and family have been so supportive, I thought no one would understand my feelings. I think part of it is the not knowing, and hoping but knowing she is about an hour away from us. That every day she is getting older and older and I can’t hold her. Some of my feelings are hard for me to even explain or comprehend at the same time, it’s part of the process of becoming an adoptive parent.
My sister Debbie shared some of her feelings with me when she went through the adoption of her son. Taking the birth mother to her doctor visits and seeing the baby born in the hospital, but knowing all along that the birth mother could back out of it. She wanted to make sure all along that the birth mother was sure and also hoped and prayed that it would all work out. Of course she would be thinking about this child, thinking is this the child we will have and trying to protect her heart at the same time.
Also Dawn my friend who was at Phillip Hayden, when I was there and is now back in the U.S. and has her little daughter, after so many years of waiting. She encouraged me and helped me to see that all adoptive mom’s go through these feelings. She with love, reminded me how I was able to love, cherish, play and be with baby Sharon in China, while her mother and father to be, her family, can’t be there to love on her. They may not even know about her yet or for many years. This little baby will be loved and cherished for her whole life, while at Phillip Hayden and then onward with her forever family.
So my focus needs to not be on just this child alone, to remember and pray for this child to have her forever family, whether it’s us or someone else. That there is a child out there for us and God will work it all out for us. He will be my focus and strength, he will give me peace and protect my heart when it’s needed. Also, I need to realize that we are going through the process and thankfully it won’t be years and years, it will be a few months. I am thankful also that I do have these maternal feelings, that I am excited and can’t wait to see the child that will be ours. To love this child, like one of my own.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
More to come later!
Would love to hear your comments, scripture or your own stories..