Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 21, 2009

As of my last post I wrote on how I was keeping my heart and soul quietly to myself. I even remember having our de-brief with our mission board and trying to explain the changes in my life from this trip. It was so hard to explain and I even then don’t know if I showed what was in my heart and head. Maybe i did, I really am not sure. It is so hard to put things in words, things that you never even thought or felt. When God shows you his heart he sometimes has to change you and make you ready to see his wants, his hurts, his love. I just know that when God changes you, everything you thought you were and are  is gone. Changed, made new, different, transformed.

Changed-  to make different in some particular : alter, to make radically different : transform,  to give a different position, course, or direction to,  to replace with another , to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution , change , alter , vary , modify mean to make or become different.

Romans 12:2  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have now realized that this change, this thing that was wrote on my sleeve, was there, right there, for everyone to see. That I wasn’t fooling anyone, or hiding anything. It was clearly written on me. Someone on the mission board, called it being branded. I was branded with a love for our China believers and un-believers when I went to Hong Kong in 07′ and brought  bibles in. That was the beginning of a change in me. Seeing how they are persecuted just for believing in Jesus, that most of them  never have a chance to hear his name. That in the USA,  people hear the gospel over 400 times a year.

Then when I went to Beijing and worked at PHF, it was another love of the China people. A love for their orphans, a understanding of why these babies are thrown away. That a mother may not even have a choice in the matter, even if the child is wanted. China’s culture is for the grandparents, their son and family, to support each other as a family unit. Since there is a one child per family law, families wouldn’t want sick children or females, since that child would be everything to the family. If they had a female, once she is married she would go with her husband, to his family. So these women are having no choice in the matter.

After my husband sat me down one day and said you want to adopt right, we started to pray for what God’s will is. At first there were concerns on his part, with our ages, and our independence when he is at retirement age. Also our youngest is 15, so we would have changes in our lives. We can go out in the evening and not have to hire a babysitter anymore. We know our eldest is on her way to her own life, getting married next year and our two youngest are in 9th and 12th grade.

My husband came back to me about a week later with a verse that shows what God’s heart is on adoption.

James 1:27   Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress

It’s ironic that while we were at PHF, Diane and I shared a room and that was the scripture on our door. I believe God had this planned all out for us before we knew anything about it. That God planned to wreck me and change me and that our house would be a refuge for an orphan. When I realized that there are unwanted orphans all over the world, I knew that we have a home and we could love this child and give this child a family.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8, 13    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.         And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

More to come later!

 

 

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 15, 2009

At the end of my trip in China, at Phillip Hayden Foundation, I ended up getting a very bad cold. Because many of the children and Sharon were in a hospital and many of the children were very sick, I was told I couldn’t be at the hospital. It is funny what God does to protect us, I was already concerned about leaving these children and not wanting to be heart-broken and prayed for God to protect my heart.

Philipipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well the fact that I got sick did protect my heart, I never was able to hold Sharon and say goodbye and I knew she was there and God has her in his hands. I was there for a few days and was able to still play, hold and minister to those children who were more healthy. God showed me all ages of orphans, not just babies, but 4, 5, 6, 13, 14, and 18 year olds.

When I got off that plane I was ready to be home, ready to be with my kids and husband, ready to share my experience and love for these  kids. I was still figuring out what God wanted me to do, or as a family to do. We could support a child financially, or support PHF financially, pray, or adopt. What was God trying to show me. I finally was back home and I shared my love for these children to those all around me, but didn’t share my heart, for adoption.  I had friends from the trip telling my husband that I would have taken Sharon home if they would’ve let me and I did say yes I would have.

But I thought I had hidden my heart and soul, how could I explain how I felt if I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to put it in words, if God wanted this for us, how would Michael feel about this. I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse if  someone came home from Africa and said God is calling us there, without the other person  feeling the same call.

I did go through a hard time coming home, I was changed and still am. How can you not hold those babies and be changed. God is amazing and powerful, he is enough, to change my stubborn, afraid to change mindset. We were de-briefed when we came home and had a chance to share to the mission board, the things that we experienced and how God changed our views, even about the people and things we had thought about the culture.

I had people around me saying what’s wrong with you, are you ok. That was fine for a while but very annoying after a while. It’s a shame that people all over the world are praying for God to change them and when he does people think you are depressed or just don’t know what to do with you.

Matthew 18:3   And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven

Other people that have been on mission trips understand this change and don’t get me wrong, I was telling people that I am all right but haven’t figured out everything that God is doing in me. Sometimes when God changes us, it is a gradual thing, it may be a revealing of his heart in a situation, little by little and step by step. But  if he wants a true change, it won’t just be a passing thing, it will be hard. It will be hard to explain, it may change friendships, life, your family, your desires, your comfort, everything. Everything that you put importance to or thought you were.

I just want to be one who is obedient to what God is calling us to.

John 14:15  If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you  to will and to act according to his good purpose.

More to come later!

Leave comments or scriptures on this blog…

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 5, 2009

This is Diana holding little Tristan at Phillip Hayden Foundation. He is one of the little babies there, that have cleft lip. He was such a happy baby, who jumped like crazy in his little jumper seat and always smiled his big silly grin.

Just a baby who wants and needs love. These kids had our hearts wrapped around their little fingers. We wanted to hold and be with them as much as we could every day.

 We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God’s very own hands.
— Kristi Larson

God can change our hearts instantly, radically different, to show us his heart and to direct our lives. I know without a doubt, that he is the one orchestrating all this change in me and my heart. I also know that it was very evident that he was doing things to me, changing me. Never would I say that I would want another child, I thought that our family was complete. That to have children in our home again, they would be our grandchildren.

Well, never say never. When God wants you to step out, he will do the work, he will be the one in charge. My husband and I have prayer to be changed, well God answers prayers. It was hard coming back home, even though after two weeks, I was missing my family very much.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.  Ephesians 1:4,5

 

More to come later!

Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 25, 2009

 

So this is Sharon that I am holding at Phillip Hayden Foundation, she is 9 months old and so sweet.

I started noticing  my thoughts being about her during the day. There were many days that we were so busy touring and also doing projects for the directors of PHF, that we didn’t get to see the kids. I think we all felt this, we wanted to spend as much time with these kids as possible. We were starting to get used to the kids and nannies, and learning how to approach them. The kids and nannies were getting used to us being around also.

At first when we visited the rooms filled with the kids, there were always nannies with us. But very soon, we noticed they would all be gone, they were getting ready to feed the kids or put them down. We were trusted with their children, they could see the love we had for these kids, in the way we played, held and ministered to them.

I still felt the nannies eyes on us. I also, was very careful to always ask if I could pick up Sharon or one of the other kids. To show my respect and knowing that they were their mommies, that I would be leaving in a few weeks and maybe wouldn’t be there again.

Looking back at my journal when I was there, I was already feeling a change in my thoughts on adoption. I have three daughters, 21, 18 and almost 15. For many years now, I have felt no calling to have another child. I held our last, like she was our last. I have worked in the nursery at church and loved it but never felt like I was supposed to have another child. My sister also adopted a boy around 9 years ago and once again, felt like wow I’m so glad our girls are older. All this time being around little ones, I felt complete, I felt like our family was complete, and was happy to hand back a child to it’s mother.

But God has another plan for our family, it started to take root in China. Also knowing and wondering how can I tell my husband this. What will he think, I was already praying for God’s wisdom and asking him to speak to Michael and open and change his heart like he had been doing to me. I was past the financial, age, time  and all those issues when you consider having a child. I knew God was birthing something new in my heart.

Phillippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Stay tuned, more to come later!

I welcome your comments on my blog.. so comment away..

Pequenopie “Little Feet” February 10, 2009

       God can change our heart in one instant.. Instantly! 

 A close friend just encouraged me, that all the process we have to go thru to adopt, is making it possible for God to put the right child in our lives. That he is perfecting the whole thing. That maybe that child isn’t even born yet. The Lord is doing this in his timing. How awesome that we can be comforted  by our Holy God, in all the things we do in our lives.

 

There is a little girl named Mei Mei, at Phillip Hayden. She was around 5 years old, I would guess. She was a beautiful little girl, with these big doe  eyes. She has an inoperable heart condition. We prayed, held, and feel in love with this angelic baby girl. She doesn’t have a chance to have a family, to be adopted.. But she does have a nanny that is like a mother to love her, hold her and keep her. She is surrounded with many people that love her. She will pass away one day and go home to our God, who will hold her forever in his hands.

This past week a little baby girl, died. I’m not sure how old she was and I never held her in my arms. Her name was Patti and she had a ailment that she died from. I ask for prayer for the nannies, doctors, and the missionaries that fell in love with this precious child and are feeling her loss.

 

Precious one,
So small,
So sweet

Dancing in
on angel feet
Straight from Heaven’s
brightest star

What a miracle
you are!

More to come later!

Pequenopie “Little Feet” January 29, 2009

Well I guess I should start telling how God started this all… I Went to a mission trip at the end of October 08, to Phillip Hayden foundation, in China.. Phillip Hayden is near beijing, it’s about an hour away. They have many children that are adopted out, some of  them have cleft lip, cerebral palsy, heart conditions and are awaiting surgery.

China has a one child policy and boys are much more wanted than girls.. So having a child with a medical issue is greatly not wanted.. Many of the female babies are just given up, and they are perfectly normal.

Well needless to say my heart ached for these children. At many orphanages there is one worker to many children. The children end up not being held like they require. There is over 15 million orphans in China and approximately 40,000 orphanages. Two in five babies entering the system die.

China is a country that has their culture being a family unit. The whole family helps financially to feed, cloth and live. The grandparents watch their son and daughter in-laws children, while the parents work and make the money for the whole family.

Another problem is that 14 year old children that are orphans, are unadoptable. They don’t have the family unit to live, they have no skills and most end up on the streets.

Phillip Hayden is building a place to give them skills, whether it’s to be a nanny there or something else. How can they live with out skills or this family unit? They have no options.

More to come later!