Pequenopie “Little Feet” July 19, 2009

I had a talk with my sister about some of the frustrations that I am encountering. With the wait and needing to come up with so much money for the cost and fees of adoption. I am also having a hard time with seeing those around me that are in the process of adoption, getting their children or almost. Even though some of them have waited years and years, and may have no other children. I can see how those women who are going through infertility, see babies everywhere. How so many every day things are directed towards children and family. Commercials, movies, shows, babies everywhere at stores and walking down the street. There is no where to hide from these feelings.

In this discussion and thinking how I feel about things, she talked about a monopoly game. Sitting in jail watching others keep on playing and you are just stuck. I thought of uno and getting the skipped and reversed card. You are ready but you have no control, you keep watching and waiting for your turn. Debbie mentioned it’s sorta like one step forward, two steps back. This happens in so much of life but I think it is a accurate explanation of how I feel.

I have been looking into selling things on our blog to help support us. I was so excited earlier this week, that I was approved to sell handmade bracelets that were made from the people in Philippines. I also put a donate button on this blog to allow people to help us, to partner with this journey. But then it can look so insurmountable and too hard to achieve.

I will continue to try and have faith. That God put this desire in our hearts and soul. I might not know or see how this is all going to work out, but it sure will be amazing.

Thanks for everyones support and prayers. I will put the bracelets on soon, so everyone can see them.

More to come Later!

Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 9, 2009

It’s Mother’s Day weekend and in the United States we celebrate this special day and give tribute and honor to our Mother’s. I was surprised and didn’t realize that this great day was started in 1870 and a lady named Julia Ward Howe wrote a poem called Mother’s Day Proclamation of 1870. It was a call for disarmament and for women to come together to seek diplomatic ways to settle disagreements among Nations.

As I found this awesome picture of a Mother in Thailand I see other things. In Mother’s all over the world I see strength, love, truth, honor, integrity, and kindness. There are so many things to say about our Mother’s. They take on so much, they have to put others before themselves, there will be heartache. There is so much to prepare a child to walk into their own lives dependent of their moms. They get very little sleep when their child is a baby, they rock and cuddle that baby. I remember being in the Hospital after having Beka, my first child and hardly being with her and when the nurses were bringing all the babies to the mommies, and recognizing her cry. I knew that was her and it was, that God has given us a miracle to be a mom.

I also think of the millions of mom’s who can’t have their own children, from their own bodies. But if you see a Mother who has adopted a child, you would have no idea that, that child didn’t come from her body. My sister shows that clear as day, her little boy and her are Mother and son. That’s it, no difference between her daughter, that did come from her. They are both her children, that she loves with all her heart, body and soul. That she will worry about, have joy, concern and so much more.

No matter what country you live in, no matter what conditions you live in, Mothers are all the same. 

They love without expectation, without expecting anything back.

A friend in China that has been going through the adoption process for 4 1/2 years, just sent a letter,  telling everyone that by Fall she will be a Mother. What an awesome Mother’s Day gift for this year. After all her patience, tears, waiting, joy and hope she will be a Mother soon. The wait is almost over.

On this Mother’s Day, I hope and pray that the child our family wants to adopt, will not take too long to come to us. I hope and pray that maybe by the next Mother’s Day of 2010 we will be that much closer to bringing our child home. That once that child is put in my arms, the difference of my children and this new child will melt away. I pray for patience, for joy and peace through this whole thing. That we would trust in our Lord with all our heart and mind. That when it seems too difficult, too expensive, to hard, we would continue to look at what God has planted in our lives. That he is enough, he will do what he wishes.. That I can lean on him for my strength, my joy and my peace.

Ask and it will be give to you, seek and you will find,

knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks will receives, he who seeks finds,

and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

So our family will continue to ask, seek and knock and wait on his timing, and will.

More to come later  and have a Happy Mother’s Day!

Pequenopie “Little Feet” May 7, 2009

 Lately I have been  having times of  doubt and really not having as much patience as I should have. I have looked at how much money we are going to need for this adoption and it feels so overwhelming. I realize that this economy is not good, people are loosing jobs and their houses right and left. I also know that Michael and I can’t do this on our own, that we need support. 

I feel so ready to get this process going, it’s been 6 long months since I got home from China. If feels like 6 years or a lifetime. When you are ready for this, it’s all you can think about. Sometimes I have such a huge amount of faith and all around me I see this is possible, that God will do this for us. But other times I have doubt and fear and questions. I know God has put this in my heart and I know it is true. I feel the same as I did 6 months ago and if anything I feel stronger about it.

 

I know it is going to be hard, difficult and life changing. Bringing any child into your world is earth shattering. I remember being a new mom of Beka and only being 22, not knowing who this child was. I knew she was ours, I loved  her already. But no one gives you a pamphlet with instructions on how to be a good mommy or daddy. You are on your own, you are blending two sets of ideas into one. I am thankful that Michael and I have always supported each other in this life and journey.

I have to remember that even though I’m not pregnant, this is our pregnacy, to prepare and enjoy this time. To trust God that he will move heaven and earth to make what he wants happen. That by ourselves nothing can happen without him. To just have faith in him, he has worked out everything so far. Why would I stop trusting him now. The Finish Line is before us and we just need to pace ourselves to reach it, in his time and way.

 

 

A child to pour our love on…We have that to give.    

 

 

Pour My Love On You                                                    

 

I don’t know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can’t begin to tell you what your love has meant
I’m lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You’re my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you    

        CHORUS:
Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on you 

 Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend 

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

CHORUS

By Phillips , Craig and Dean

 

 I am writing this blog to thank all my numerous friends and family, who encourage me and tell me to take tiny steps like my blog, that God will give us provision, that God is making us wait for the child God wants for us and all the prayers that so many are sending our way.. Thank You….

 

More to come later!

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 15, 2009

At the end of my trip in China, at Phillip Hayden Foundation, I ended up getting a very bad cold. Because many of the children and Sharon were in a hospital and many of the children were very sick, I was told I couldn’t be at the hospital. It is funny what God does to protect us, I was already concerned about leaving these children and not wanting to be heart-broken and prayed for God to protect my heart.

Philipipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well the fact that I got sick did protect my heart, I never was able to hold Sharon and say goodbye and I knew she was there and God has her in his hands. I was there for a few days and was able to still play, hold and minister to those children who were more healthy. God showed me all ages of orphans, not just babies, but 4, 5, 6, 13, 14, and 18 year olds.

When I got off that plane I was ready to be home, ready to be with my kids and husband, ready to share my experience and love for these  kids. I was still figuring out what God wanted me to do, or as a family to do. We could support a child financially, or support PHF financially, pray, or adopt. What was God trying to show me. I finally was back home and I shared my love for these children to those all around me, but didn’t share my heart, for adoption.  I had friends from the trip telling my husband that I would have taken Sharon home if they would’ve let me and I did say yes I would have.

But I thought I had hidden my heart and soul, how could I explain how I felt if I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure how to say it, how to put it in words, if God wanted this for us, how would Michael feel about this. I always felt it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse if  someone came home from Africa and said God is calling us there, without the other person  feeling the same call.

I did go through a hard time coming home, I was changed and still am. How can you not hold those babies and be changed. God is amazing and powerful, he is enough, to change my stubborn, afraid to change mindset. We were de-briefed when we came home and had a chance to share to the mission board, the things that we experienced and how God changed our views, even about the people and things we had thought about the culture.

I had people around me saying what’s wrong with you, are you ok. That was fine for a while but very annoying after a while. It’s a shame that people all over the world are praying for God to change them and when he does people think you are depressed or just don’t know what to do with you.

Matthew 18:3   And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven

Other people that have been on mission trips understand this change and don’t get me wrong, I was telling people that I am all right but haven’t figured out everything that God is doing in me. Sometimes when God changes us, it is a gradual thing, it may be a revealing of his heart in a situation, little by little and step by step. But  if he wants a true change, it won’t just be a passing thing, it will be hard. It will be hard to explain, it may change friendships, life, your family, your desires, your comfort, everything. Everything that you put importance to or thought you were.

I just want to be one who is obedient to what God is calling us to.

John 14:15  If you love me, you will obey what I command.

Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you  to will and to act according to his good purpose.

More to come later!

Leave comments or scriptures on this blog…

Pequenopie “Little Feet” March 5, 2009

This is Diana holding little Tristan at Phillip Hayden Foundation. He is one of the little babies there, that have cleft lip. He was such a happy baby, who jumped like crazy in his little jumper seat and always smiled his big silly grin.

Just a baby who wants and needs love. These kids had our hearts wrapped around their little fingers. We wanted to hold and be with them as much as we could every day.

 We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God’s very own hands.
— Kristi Larson

God can change our hearts instantly, radically different, to show us his heart and to direct our lives. I know without a doubt, that he is the one orchestrating all this change in me and my heart. I also know that it was very evident that he was doing things to me, changing me. Never would I say that I would want another child, I thought that our family was complete. That to have children in our home again, they would be our grandchildren.

Well, never say never. When God wants you to step out, he will do the work, he will be the one in charge. My husband and I have prayer to be changed, well God answers prayers. It was hard coming back home, even though after two weeks, I was missing my family very much.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.  Ephesians 1:4,5

 

More to come later!

Pequeno pie “Little Feet” January 30, 2009

As of the last post I wrote about the mission trip to Phillip Hayden. I held, played, laughed, prayed and had my heart changed by these amazing children. I was there for two weeks, loving on them and missing them so much when we were doing other things.

There is a little boy named Tristan, that has a cleft lip.. He is such a happy baby. He would swing in the swing, in the nursery and it would really get going. He smiled and would have his whole fist in his mouth.. Just a baby that has a defect, that wants to be wanted. He needs to be needed. That needs to be loved and love.

Kennedy is a little boy who sat in a stroller all the time with a very large head… He was so sweet and very quickly we all cared and loved this little boy. One day he was in his room with his nanny and Diana (another missionary on the trip) and I, went in there. Very quickly he started singing to us in chinese. Diana was clapping her hands with his inside of hers.. It touched both of our hearts so heavy.

Both of these boys may be adopted, they may not. It depends on the government, even if a family falls in love with these boys, it’s the governments decision. I would have taken both of these boys home with me, if I could have. The nannies show these children so much love. They are their mommies in every sense of the way. The nannies take care of them, feed them, play with them, put them down to sleep and love them, just like a mommy would.

There is hope for these two precious boys. There is hope for them to get the surgeries their bodies need and hope for a family. A family that God has called for them to adopt. To not be stopped by the economy, by any of those things. To know that there are children that just need to be loved. If every Christian adopted there would be no orphans. Jesus adopted us, in our sin, knowing that we were dirty and sinful. He loves us so much.

Here is Phillip Hayden’s website, for $35.00 a month you can sponsor one of these beautiful precious babes, one of these miracle wonders of God.

“Whoever recieves one such child in my name recieves me.” Matthew —18:5

http://www.chinaorphans.org/

More to come later!